All I want for christmas......

Xmas is soon to come.....2 days left!! I want a Macbook :P if and only if I have the money :(. I havent done my xmas shopping yet.......gosh!! What to buy?

Anyway what has happen in my life lately? I'm working my way through my bad characteristics, hopefully to get rid all of it with God's help. So what are my bad characteristics? They are the worst of the worst which is:

1. Jealousy
2. Envious
3. Negative person (getting better :p)
4. Love to compare
5. Stubborn
6. Talk back at wrong times

Many more kua, please point it out to me if you find more :D. I appreciate your honesty. At this moment I need to concentrate and tackle one at a time. Please forgive if I have gotten on your nerves my dear friends, I'm trying my best to control it. A little help will be wonderful :D. Support will do great too. At the same time, I'm discovering my purpose. What am I here on earth for? I found a book which is really helpful. I learnt two things today. Focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life's purpose. Another thing would be You were made by God and for God - and until you understand that, life will never make sense.

I truly believe that we were made for a higher purpose that what we think what we are here for. I havent discover it yet and soon I will for sure. Because I have faith :D. By fulfilling your purpose, you will truly feel that you are alive! So let's find our purpose now, I'll pray for you. Pray for me too :D

The meaning of Christmas

Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! Tis the season to be jolly! Christmas is just a week and a day away, it's definitely the best holiday of every year. Why? It's not bout presents, it's not bout candy canes, it's not bout the Xmas tree, it's not bout the egg nog, and definitely not bout the turkey!! ?Haha :P

Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus, He who changed our relationship with God. The day Jesus was born, history changed. We all rejoice for the birth of Jesus. Other than that, it's who we celebrate this joyous day with. We should spread the love on tis Christmas day, spend it with family, your close friends, your not so close friends :P, your fellow brothers and sisters in church and most important of all, spend it with Jesus.

When I was young, Christmas was all about presents, kid mar. I really believed in Santa Claus :p. But this very year, my Christmas is all about Jesus. Thanking God for giving us a chance to reconcile with Him. I hope I can spread the message, whoever who reads will know of this wonderful day.

So here I am searching for Christmas songs and my favorite song is :

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin's womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Merry Christmas and have a happy new year my friends. Don't forget the real the meaning of Christmas!!

How far can Faith bring you?

Faith a strong and powerful word. A gift of the spirit. Faith has brought me far and I know it will bring me further than I will imagine. Many points in life we need faith, faith in God, faith in yourself, faith in others.

Faith is associated with trust, you have faith in someone, you trust that person too. Just as we have faith in God, we put all our trust to Him. Lately I have been having trouble considering my FYP title, I have heard many opinions concerning it, those opinions have gave me a rerun thought on the title. Suddenly I felt that I couldn't do that project, amidst all the negative thoughts, a strong and positive thought hit it and smashed it to pieces."I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me"

I found the faith that I had for the project. I had it when the idea came, I trust that I could do it. Just by the words of others I put myself down, how silly I am. Now that I got it all clear again, I will put to the test my faith in God that I can succeed in this project. With the blessing of God, I put in my hard work, I put in the energy that God provided for me.

I truly believe that I can do it, even if it might seem impossible, I will make the possible. Sometimes we human have big dreams, big goals. We can't just sit there and wait for it to come, we have to give it all we got, if it was meant to be then it will come with the effort you have paid for that dream.

Another wonderful line from the bible , "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed....nothing shall be impossible unto you". We must believe that every problem has a solution, do not lose hope and keep having faith. Faith will take you to a long journey, it will bring you to many places. Just believe and you can do the impossible.

Indescribable

Well I was reading Eu Gene's blog and to comment I needed a vox account therefore I got one, haha. I decided to test it out and it has a wonderful interface for posting an entry. I had nothing much to do therefore I blogged there too, :P. So that blog will be about technological stuff. Basically about stuff and games, so check it out my Review Smeview :P

Back to the title, it is a wonderful song sung by Chris Tomlin, the lyrics are:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

This song has a wonderful tune, it's so meaningful and it cry outs the praises that we all have for God. He is definitely an Amazing God with a capital A.

Achievements

I often feel inferior when I'm in college or in CG. I'm always surrounded by intelligent people, friends of mine who have achieved much even though at a young age. When I look at them, I would think what I have achieved, my consistent answer is nothing. Even if some of my friends never achieved anything they have the urge to at least try something. That something could be something big one day. I love how my friends are, cause they've tried, and I just sit around doing nothing. Like Ronn and Eu Gene taking part in the HSBC entrepreneur competition, even people that I least expect is taking part, such as Bernard. I feel useless when I am around them. Then there is CG where two of my members who are also ex-apiitians. They have done so well, one of them is my cg leader and the other is best student of the year 2005.

Will I be able to do something as well? I'm not sure, I really want to but I just don't have what it takes to achieve something. I wanted my website to work, I did my best but there is still nothing that is done. I sometimes feel pathetic at myself for I could do more but I did not. I told myself to change and today I will do it. To do far more I could, far beyond my ability and I know all that will come with determination, hard work and passion. I will never think negative again for it brings down a person, subconsciously it weakens the human in mind, body and soul.

Does life mean more when you have achieved something? Maybe it does for certain people, some achieved so much that it is nothing special anymore. Some people need achievements to prove their existence, their talents. To be acknowledged so that the whole world would know who you are. I want to achieve things, things that God is proud of, cause what God sees in me is so much more important. But still I cant deny the fact that I too want people to acknowledge my talents, my gifts (if I do have it).

I once had a conversation telling a friend of mine how smart he is and how good he did in many areas of life. He told me that he himself feels that others around us do so much better than him too. He pointed out that we all look at others and feel the same way. You think I'm good and vice versa. It comforted me because we are all the same yet special in our own way. God created human the way He intended in the 1st place. So if you feel that you are dumb and inferior when you look at others, others look at you and think the same too.

The Merry-go-Round of Life

Round and round it goes, when will it stop nobody knows...........but I want to know. These few days I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round, spinning and spinning non-stop. I'm on it and I don't know when it will stop, I just want it to stop.

I'm just stuck on that ride, I really want to stop it, the spinning, spinning back to the same place in circles over and over again. I'm getting tired, dizzy from all of it. I wish I could just halt it now. Everytime it seems like the ride is going to stop, it starts again. It slows down towards the end and suddenly it's spinning and again. I wanna get down, I wanna stand firm on my feet.

Slowly, I get down from the pony I'm on. I walk to the edge of the ride, as I was about to jump down, a hand held me back and the ride stopped. I didn't get hurt from the ride and I got out unexpectedly. I look at the person who held onto me. What a wonderful person is He. He protected me from getting hurt. Whenever I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round and about to jump, well He was there. I finally know that I can only depend on him and him alone.

My ride is slowing down, someday it will stop and I will get down and stand firm on my feet and next to me , My God :D

Reflecting my holidays

Time flies, 2 months just whisk pass me and tmr I'm back in college for my orientation. My final year of studying has arrived, it's exciting, it's a bit scary too, it's what I've been waiting for? Well I don't know what's in for my final year except the part of having a final year project.

So here I sit looking back at what I did for the holidays. So I had a list of what I want to achieve:
1. Finish up my java 2 book lessons
2. Finish up my C++ lessons
3. Read up on books which I haven't finish
4. Think of a FYP title
5. Change my bad attitude
6. Get closer to God
7. Start and complete my ecology website
8. Learn yoga from mom
9. Finish reading self-help books

All above are what I planned for my holidays, but I only succeeded in item no. 4,5,6 and half of 7. Wow!! I still wasted lots of time doing things that I didn't quite remember. I think most of the time I am sleeping, chatting, watching shows/anime/dvd, and reading the Holy Bible. The most useful thing I did was seeking God constantly. I feel proud of it but I also feel disappointed at myself for not achieving the rest. It tells how well I manage my time, when there is too much time I can't manage it well, when there is too little time I also can't manage it well. It's time to learn time management, but being to organised makes life less interesting :p.

I love challenges that come my way. I take it on, I try my best and well He is guiding me :D. Lately I have been thinking a lot bout my final year and all. I have a good feeling about it, I'm not worried or scared, it's definitely the next challenge in my life but I go through it, I just know somehow, can't really explain that feeling of assurance.

Anyway, the ecophesto website will be up but delayed. I will get it done even if I have to do everything myself. It's something that must be done because it's my passion and a promise that I would get it done

A little sleep, a little slumber

I finally got up at 7:30 am, was trying for 7:00 am, but I laze on my bed for half an hour, what a waste of time.

Proverbs 6:9-11
How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest-,
and poverty will come on you like a bandit,
and scarcity like an armed man.

While I was lying in bed this verse hit me hard. My wonderful CG leader made us memorise this and it was very useful indeed. It reminded me that I have been spending too much time with the bed during this holiday and it is time to get up. So I woke up and did my devotion and God sent me another message to tell me not to waste time. The message was to live life to the fullest for Christ. That is something that I want to achieve each and every day. To stay in bed is wasting time whilst I can do things which are more useful.

This whole week I'm gonna discipline myself to wake up early every morning, it may seem that there is nothing to do but actually there is plenty of things you can do. Surfing the net to gain knowledge is good. Playing some sudoku to keep your brain moving all the time. A little sleep and a little slumber means laziness, poverty can be described in many ways, it can represent your knowledge, your fortune, your attitude. You can be poor in many ways and it doesn't only apply to finances or your wealth. It can also be you are poor in knowledge, poor in attitude where you have a bad attitude.

So my fellow friends, it is time to spend less on bed and more on working and doing things that are meaningful, else poverty will come to you like the Word of God in the Holy Bible. Wake up from your slumber and enjoy the fresh air that every morning has to offer!!

What is real love?

This is something that I would love to share with those who are searching for love. One of the needs of humans is LOVE. As humans we can never survive without love, it is what everyone wants and needs to live on with their life. I have come to realise that people without love are often depressed and might even try to end their life.

Love comes from many places such as your family, your friends, your spouse, your lover. workplace and all that you can think of. But some of those "love" might not be real. Fake one or artificial one too. Whatever that I'm about to write is not from me but from the bible itself.

Marks of real love:
1. Suffers long
2. Is kind
3. Does not envy
4. Does not parade itself
5. Is not puffed up
6. Does not behave rudely
7. Does not seek its own
8. Is not provoked
9. Thinks no evil
10. Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth
11. Bears all things
12. Believes all things
13. Hopes all things
14. Endures all things

All from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. After reading all these, the first I thought of is our parents and Jesus. How about our friends? Well some will manage to love you like that but some would not be able to. But ask yourself? Can you love your friends that way? We should all try and learn to love everyone around us like that, even our enemies.

The person I know who can love me this way is Jesus and my God. So if you are still searching for love, it's just right around the corner, beside you, He is waiting for you to accept His love for you. The love that was around at the past, present and the future.

My 21st birthday!!

Woah!! I'm 21 and it doesn't make any difference, my dad still treat me as his little girl :P. Anyway I had a dinner party and I think everyone enjoyed the food :D. It was a good party, everyone had fun. We played two games of Mafia, it was funny. One thing that I didn't like was :p 7.30 became 8++ where people start to come, LOL. Next time must say earlier.

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Life is like a boat

A small hut, a shelter ,a home, a secured place. Looking outside you see the clear blue sea, white sandy beach, the reflection of the sea shines in your eyes. Pop a thought comes into your head, a wonderful day to ride a boat and just read in the middle of the sea.

Out you go, out of that beautiful comfy hut. Across that sandy beach, into a boat (what boat is according your own imagination). So out you go, sailing that beautiful sea. The sea is so calm that reading a book doesn't give you a headache from all the tiny waves. Just calm, no waves. You see fishes swimming , you see the beautiful coral.

Sitting there in your boat, you enjoy the wonderful breeze. What a wonderful life you have. Then the sky darkens, waves start to form. Your boat starts to rock. You're afraid, you wanna be back at your hut.

So do we all start our lives like this? Yes, in the start you are protected in your hut which represents your home. Our parents have always tried to protect from this world, since we were young up until now. When the story states that you are on the boat, those are our teenage years, probably age 16 to whatever age you are now. Our lives start to have a bit of drama, a bit of problems (major or small), it's rocking your life. No more smooth sails. So how do i relate life and boat? I'm considering the part of our teenage years till now. So firstly we have smooth sailing, studying in high school, what major problems can you get? I doubt those are major at all.

So from there we enter college/ university, things might shake a bit, you meet new people, socializing starts to complicate, relationships come, backstabbing comes in group projects perhaps. So a boat similar to our lives will rock, will be stable at times. Life is full of drama, we may never seem to realise it. We often dream of having lives like those in the movies/tv series.

Somehow I lost track of what I wanted to write :P. Anyway I think no matter how life changes, stable or unstable, there is someone to keep you calm in these matters. Can you guess who? Knowing me it will be God of course :P. Currently I'm having a bit of a matter, deciding what to do for my FYP (final year project). I'm stuck in between two ideas which came to me from lots of prayers. Somehow I think one path was open for me by God. I don't know whether He is telling me to take that road or the other. Both road seems interesting, but both hard at the same time.

I'm so frustated on what to do now, 3 more week to college starts!!

The riddle

Long since I updated, well I think I only update when something inspires me, a msg from God perhaps. So the thing that gave me inspiration is the song "The riddle" from Five for Fighting. A great song like all the other songs of theirs that top the charts. So the chorus here hits me where I will relate to the message that I am soon to share.

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

So do we really know our reason being in this great big world that God made? Some of us know, some of us are still searching. For those who know, is it really your reason being here? One thing is for sure, we who believe in God will receive that reason because God created us for a reason. That reason is something that we should do, our purpose here shall be done only by us. Each of us have a different purpose, if we sway away what will happen to God's great plan for this world? I wish to know but why make your own purpose for yourself when God already prepared one for you. God always knows what's best for us, by following that purpose, we are walking a path that has been made for us. Everything is laid down, all we have to do is follow. While God walks in front, we only need to follow. Sounds easy huh? I guess it is easy, like I've said there will be hard times but God prepared it therefore He will lead you through it.

Having said all these do I have proof? I do, what I am going through now is proof enough that God has made a plan for me. Sometimes you'll have this feeling that you do not know where you are going but at the same time you know where ever it is, its a wonderful place. I'm following Him and my life have been filled with much joy, every hole I fall in, there is a reason for it and I learn from it. This life of mine have never been better ever since the day I gave it all to Him, My Lord , My Saviour. When I felt that God was not leading, He has reassured me that He is by someone who prayed for me.

Anyway aside from my spiritual journey, I am currently working on the environmental website that I said I will. Things are ok for now, I have made a temporary website. check it out when I am online,
http://sonea.no-ip.org/ecophesto

Nothing there yet, because I am working on the admin functions. Soon we will implement the user function after we settle our interface design. My birthday is coming soon :P, 4th of Nov, lucky for me it's a saturday. So I'll be having a small celebration only with a few friends over, hope to see them soon. It's the holidays and here I am pondering on something fun :P. Nintendo dslite, yeap that is something that I wanted for quite sometime, saved for it, gonna get it next monday where my dad will chip in half while i pay the other half. My birthday present for myself and half from my dad :P

Will update once i get that console of mine :P

Life goes on...

There are many struggles in life, mine are not as bad as what other ppl have. People who have cancer, AIDS, I think their struggle is so much different and difficult than the struggles of a student. Cancer patients struggle to stay alive as well as AIDS patient. Some AIDS patient have to struggle to be accepted in the society, many of them are being looked down, we should show more love to children with HIV positive, its easier said than done becoz of the fear of being infected. Other struggles of HIV ppl is to earn money for their medication, medicine that will prolong their life.

So what are my struggles that made me despressed? heartbroken, lost and no sense of identity. These struggles are normal for most people, so how dare I say it's difficult compared to other ppl who are in much worse situation than I am. Struggles like mine can be taken away easily, the key? To seek God. I have learnt many lessons in life from the Holy Bible, and I am sure that these struggles are things that God wanted me to go through and He will lead me through it. There is always a lesson that God is teaching, these struggles are used to mold the person who we are going to become. We have to change to be prepare for God's plan for us.

I do not know where I am going but I'm taking step by step and God is holding my hand and assuring me that everything will be ok. The heartbreaks, the emptiness and not knowing who to be, God taking it away one by one. I wish I could get rid all of it at once but through time is where I'll learn my lesson from my Father. We should always be thankful from the position that God has put us. IF you are reading this then you are definetly in a better position than those who struggle for life, food and from poverty. Thank God everyday! Give God your life, He will run it better than we do.

My fav song from paradise live newest album "Set Me Free": Assuredly Yours

All that I am is in you
All that I seek is to follow You
I run to Your side when You call
There is the hope I am longing for

Just to be by Your side
There is hope in my life
There is no greater freedom I'll find

chorus:
Take my life
and all that i have to give
Take my world
just inhabit all of it
Take my dreams
make me assuredly yours

What a wonderful song!! It certainly says it all in my heart. Will you let God take your life? He is waiting and all you have to do is open that door. Life is so much interesting with God by your side. He is always there looking upon us. There will be good and bad times but that is what God wants you to go through and He will be there with you all the way.

Getting to know you

Anyone remember this song? Here is the chorus:

Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you,
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you like me.

It's a song from The King and I. It hit me when I realise that I dont know God well, how to be close to someone to not know that person. The same thing goes for my friends that are around me. How much do I really know about everyone? I found out that I know little of everyone in my life.

Getting to know you,
Getting to feel free and easy,
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say ,

The second part of the chorus tells me that I wanna be like this with my friends. I dont really know all the likes and don't likes of theirs. But this holiday I will get to know my friends better. Their real character, you cant really see it in college because we're only there to study. We have never talk bout ourselves or people have never ask about you. I also wonder does my friends know me? What kind of person am I? I know but some people might not see me like that. This holiday I also want to find myself, I am kinda lost here. I dont know where to go and what to do. These are things that nobody can tell me, and so I pray that God will lead the way.

I wish I could describe how i feel now but it's hard. It seems that only God knows what is wrong with me. I really want to give everything to God but there is something holding me back. I know what it is but i have no idea how to deal with it at all. I'm so lost, Haihzzzzzzzz

Untitled

Haha, so lazy to update, well saturday my childhood friend and his dad came to have dinner with my family. After that we went to jazz musical festical with them :D. My dad cooked us dinner, he got lazy and used the oven so the food was not as good as he wanted :(. But then again it's good food :D.

Well at the jazz musical festival, i bought secret reciper chocolate indulgence coz my sis wanted and it was so sweet . So she ate most of it then we went to buy starbucks drinks :D. After that sumthing funny happened to me, i sat at my mom's seat and when i lean back i fell down :(. Coz the leg of the chair got caught in a hole :(. So humiliating and so hard to get up. My family and my friend had a good laugh though :D.

Sunday i think i stayed at home and felt tired to do anything, sleep alot though :P.

Yesterday nothing special. Today also nothing much, but then again there are assignments to rush again yet i feel so relax :P. I wonder why, i guess i know it's best not to mention why. I will keep it to myself unless sumeone ask me why lor :D.

Dunno wat to really put in here, there are many things but at the same time i dun feel like it is right to put it here coz it might not be my business. But i feel that it's hard sumtimes to help ppl becoz we're so blinded by things that are wrong sumtimes. We try to help but then again that someone might not need our help or it's just hard to reach him/her. I know how it feels now becoz sumtimes ppl try to help me but i cant see how they can help, they dun mean any harm but they really care for me :D. Thank you my friends who try to help me in this tough period :D. Why tough?? My close friends know why so i wanna say thank you for being by my side, it is tough but i was glad that u were there for me, God too :D